Archive for May, 2012

Just like Number Johnny Five, I’m Looking For Input.

I need a lot of input on a regular basis.  I continually check the internet.  I almost always have Netflix, a DVD, or music playing.  I’d much rather read a book than put away my laundry.  I’m sort of obsessive-compulsive about it, though.  It isn’t enough merely to read and see the things that interest/inspire me once or twice.  I need to retain it somehow.  I squirrel away my input.  If I’m going analog, I mark my favorite passages in books with small post-its.  If it is digital, it is getting saved.  Long before Tumblr or Pinterest, there was my actual computer.  I have thousands of pictures saved to my hard drive.  Not just of my family and friends but also of curiosities, pretty makeup, and cats with funny captions.  Many of them are carefully curated in special folders so that I can find them more efficiently when the mood strikes.  I have documents dating back to Word Perfect files from the 90s of things I didn’t want to forget that I liked even way back when.  These are sub-sorted in their own files or consolidated in other documents carried over from those computers long past.  Saved thoughts, manifestos, things I’ve written, things other people have written, etc.  I’ve got an “inspirational quotes” file that is several pages long.  From time to time, I revisit the things I’ve collected on my computer and rejoice because a lot of them feel new to me again.  Just like I feared, I would have forgotten them without some way to preserve them.   Maybe I’m shortening my own memory by using artificial memory aids.  On the other hand, here’s a nifty list of everything Bart Simpson wrote on a chalkboard up through Season 19.

Things like Tumblr and Pinterest are the more convenient and up to date way to deal with this need for input.  They were made for people like me.  Instead of 75 cats and a collection of bottle caps, we have 750 cat pictures and a whole pinboard dedicated to the color green.  We are the internet hoarders.

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Revisionist Theatre, Episode 1

Welcome to this inaugural episode of Revisionist Theatre, the imaginary program where I re-imagine the endings of movies and television shows that left me unhappy.  Well, I say unhappy.  Screaming and throwing things at the screen is probably more to the point.

Today, we shall focus on Pretty In Pink.

The ending to this movie is almost universally reviled.  It is widely reported that John Hughes didn’t want Andie to wind up with Blaine.  He wound up making Some Kind Of Wonderful so he could get the ending he wanted.  Such was the power of Molly Ringwald in the 80’s.  She didn’t want to make out with Jon Cryer so she ruined the movie for the director. However, a Duckie ending is also seen as problematic for some, as he is not always viewed as the sweet, dippy, romantic obvious choice, but instead as a creepy stalker who would probably use the word “friendzone” a lot. When I was younger, I was pro-Duckie all the way (I blame Otis Redding), but I certainly see the point of view for anyone with an unwanted Duckie of their own having to deal with being called a bitch because ladies aren’t vending machines one feeds niceness into until sex falls out.

What disturbs me–particularly viewing this as a thirtysomething–is how they wrapped up Iona’s plot.  Iona was FANTASTIC!  But she was unlucky in love until she toned her shit down and got with the program!  Yes, Iona falls in love, gets an “acceptable” haircut, buys a blazer and a brooch, and rides off into the sunset with her dream guy.  Why?  Clearly the guy liked Iona as she was enough to ask her out.  There’s nothing in the script that suggested he insisted upon her transformation.  It was just accepted that once the wild girl finds love, she stops spending her energy on silly little things like self-expression and concentrates on trying to get married instead.  Poor Iona…she deserved better.  I’ll bet the yuppie was disappointed, too.  Clearly, he was attracted to what made her her, not what made her him.  Ugh.

If you are ever talking to someone and find out they liked the ending where Molly Ringwald goes back to the guy who was horrible to her to placate his terrible friends, just go ahead and stab them with an olive fork or something. If you are worried about hurting them, do it in the tongue because they already have no taste.

Please join me next time when I will no doubt have a full core meltdown over the series ending of Queer As Folk (US version).

Things that are important this week. I swear.

#1 Sugarpill’s Heartbreaker Palette is now available for purchase. 4 giant, amazingly pigmented shadows for $34. They did not pay me for this. In fact, I’m paying THEM. $34 plus shipping, to be exact. May the mail gods be swift and gentle.

#2 Enforced radio silence of people who have nothing positive to contribute to your life is easier than you think. The delete/block function on Facebook only goes so far in the field of Douchebag Removal, though. Apparently, where there is a will, there is a way.

#3 Replacing soda with iced coffee with sugar and cream is a total caloric fail. People with functioning brain cells realize this. Clearly, I am not one of them.

#4 The motto I’ve crafted for both of my current fields of employment (I’ve said it before and I’ll say again): Money talks. Bullshit walks. And unbelievable bullshit will get your ass talked about.